When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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