Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
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Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
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You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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