Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
