true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize