If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
