who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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