why didn't you poke me back
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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