Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Is Oprah even human
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
