I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
