yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
