There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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