You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
