you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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