I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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