Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
