We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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