you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize