I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
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My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
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I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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