The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
