Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
