Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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