Can i not drive my cunt home
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
