The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
