I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
