awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
