This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
