I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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