Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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