I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just pee around me
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Randomize
