I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
