I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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