i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
