ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
