Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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