So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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