I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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