He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
