the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
