i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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