i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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