I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
