neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If I die, sorry about rent.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
