wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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