So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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