Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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