I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
