She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
