people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
