That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
