she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I fill condoms, not promises.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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