There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
