Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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