So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize