I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
