okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
