sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
