Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
