Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We left an ass print on the piano.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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