Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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