she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
