It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
