You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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