Need sex. Gaining weight.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
