Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
